shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
