you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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