is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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