ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
