forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
please come you make the beer taste better
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
