Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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