chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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