fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
