I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
