her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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