I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
