Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
