just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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