as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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