I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize