Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
