I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize