shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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