Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
