dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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