You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
