This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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