We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
