Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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