we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
