Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
