i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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