Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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