i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
