Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
