Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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