also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
