you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
