He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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