Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
