I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
