i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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