a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize