I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
