i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
