i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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