Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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