Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
