Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
