are you still at the devil's house?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
