to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
