i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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