Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
