I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
