It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
