oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
