I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
