these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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