and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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