lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize