I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize