i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
