You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
