new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
