What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
