I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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