Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize