brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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