I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
