also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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