i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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