so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
